9 nasty secrets about pregnancy that nobody talks

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Before getting pregnant … You were hoping to get pregnant? You said you’d be glowing? Have you believed that vision that Gyn nyc would make you an angelic rounded silhouette eager to be home and a lot of half-baked muffins?

I hope you agree with me that soon you realize that this is a lie.

The other day I posed a simple question to the girls in the group BLUNTmoms : something happened that you did not expect? And the question was followed by an impressive string of talks in Facebook (you vomited with rage) about unpleasant, amazing, repulsive and rare symptoms that no one told us that would occur during pregnancy, childbirth and even after (there enough content to write almost a book).

Why did not anyone tell us? The only thing I can think is that people try to keep us in ignorance because he known, would never let a guy approached us less than a kilometer. And mankind would become extinct. However, once we do, we discover that the miracle of creating life has some dirty little secrets, but that’s life and it’s great … even when it is not (obviously, because many come back to do it again and again despite being prevented).

Motherhood is a joy, but sometimes it’s cover mucous, sweat and poop. And accompanied by a lot of touching strangers, assuming you do not like …
I could only do one thing: to organize the list of “Things they did not tell you to wait in a state of good hope” … and ask you the other: Is it wrong? And, most importantly: Have we forgotten something?

1. acne worse and more painful than you’ve ever had

The teen years have nothing to do with cystic acne can develop. In the neck. Behind the ears. Cheeks. Even in the back and chest. Or this, or a silky skin throughout pregnancy, which will endure until you give birth, and there it will fill you with blisters like you’ve got your head in a hornet’s nest. What’s wrong, hormones? Give us a break.

2. Your nose is your enemy

Do you bleed? ¿Moqueas? All right. Have you purchased a full load of Kleenex? Do not? Well, I plantéatelo. You may find that your nose acquires superpowers. You will be able to identify what they are eating the other by the smell of urine, which may create marital conflicts when you realize that your dear husband has gobbled delight which you try to abstain. You become obsessed thinking you smell bad. You may have to avoid certain foods throughout pregnancy, because it will give disgusting smell. For real. For no apparent reason. It may just be chicken. Or cooked broccoli.

3. discomfort and nausea all day p —-

Sometimes it does not happen. But it may happen to suffer nine months of vomiting.Even they may hospitalize dehydration. Oh, these muffins … .Ojalá surcease nausea in the mornings. But no.

4. You have the exhausted body

An unexplained clumsiness; a heartbreaking sciatica; Back pain; headache;Heartburn (up to convince you that you have the child’s hair in the throat); twinges in English; feeling of having a cannon in the perineum; constant cramps in the foot; die every time you take a hot shower …. All this and much more. Looking for a chiropractor. And a shower stool, those who use older people.

5. You twists his mouth

You do not snore? Well now. You snore so loud that you wake yourself, probably with an open mouth and a sticky slime on the pillow and hair. Speaking of drooling: you’ll do at any time, anywhere. You may salives eating like a rabid dog. And all you feel bad. Rare. A metal little.

6. You become a sweaty, hairy beast

Your body responds to hormones like if you were to become a Teen Wolf. You will sweat all the time, and probably let the form of sweat soaked body on the mattress to reach the 40th week. They will darken and harden nipples. You will hair. Apropos.Everywhere. Pubic hair you go down her thighs, and even leave the nipples. And the nose. Than?

7. Mam-sia and other general types of dementia

You weep with ads. You will provoke international incidents following the opening time of McDonald’s. You will be convinced that everyone is stupid. You spend months with an irrational anger and wanting to stick punching people in the face. You will become dumb, unable to spell your name or to complete a sentence. You’ll forget what you were going to do, you will open the refrigerator without remember the reason you lose your car keys 12 times a day. You’ll be paranoid thinking that the baby can suffocate if you sleep on your back. O to develop an attention deficit hyperactivity disorder if you take half cup of tea.

8. Go to the bathroom is your worst nightmare

You’ll have to go pee every time you get up (whenever you feel, do you turn or answer the phone), roughly every 15 minutes. Can you escape the pee unintentionally. And best not to poop … so prenatal vitamin, you’ll be so constipated that believe die.
Every trip to the bathroom is like a small preparatory script delivery, along with the hub, grunts and strength to push. Hemorrhoids are also common. Itch and bleed.You will come to reintroduce the form -of year discretely at each visit to the bathroom when you take the last prenatal vitamin pill.

9. Total freedom for farting

You do not have in mind, princesses. In the fifth or sixth month, you start to become a gaseous and clumsy rhinoceros. You will pull farts. Walking, she will accompany a symphony of trumpets. Your husband will look for some type of diaper to protect against massive collateral damage from your bombs. The gases will be so painful that will make you believe that beat you birth. Touch you sneak surreptitiously to find a hiding place and apañártelas for metering noise. At least with the pads, diarrhea is not a problem. Peeeero as already imaginas-, if it occurs, will smell worse than ever.

What mix of interesting experiences about pregnancy !, right? And you, do you have any that we have forgotten?

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Open Letter Committee:
Anthony Barnett, Charles Glass, Tony Curzon Price, Roger Graef, Jemima Khan, Henry Porter, Pranvera Smith, Rachel Johnson, Elaine Potter, Vaughan Smith (chair).

PRESENTED BY:

The Frontline Club

SUPPORTED BY:

Open Democracy

Reporters Without Borders

The Newspaper Guild

The International Federation of Journalists

English PEN

Article 19